May
2014
The Mockingjay Sings
Juliet is going to win. She might not realize it now, but once she receives my silver parachute, she will. However, I still needed to decide what to send her. I know it needed to be something that will lift her spirits and help keep her alive. So, I began to think of something that she needed. I remembered she hasn’t eaten anything in two days, so I decided to send her food.
Suddenly, her mother’s famous chicken noodle soup popped into my head. I was so excited that I nearly shouted with joy. The soup her mother makes is delicious. I could taste it running down my throat, and I could smell the fresh herbs and broth. I know this will remind her of home, and make sure she doesn’t starve to death. At the thought of that, my hands started sweating. I wasn’t positive that soup was what she wanted, but that was what she was going to get, because I couldn’t ask her what she wanted.
4rileyp
May 30, 2014 at 1:04 pm (10 years ago)I think that this really lacked sensory details and figurative language. It was very short again like the last couple. I think that you could add a lot more detail. Also, your attention getter was very short and didn’t really grab my attention. I don’t mean to be too harsh because I did enjoy the piece. I just think it could’ve used some more detail.
4lizzyt
May 30, 2014 at 1:04 pm (10 years ago)I like how your character is so sure that Juliet is going to win. I also liked this figurative language that you used: The soup her mother makes is delicious. I could taste it running down my throat, and I could smell the fresh herbs and broth.
It really helped me visualize and taste the soup. good job
4dawson
May 30, 2014 at 1:07 pm (10 years ago)Well written, I like how you decide and describe what to send this tribute and why you did that. I thought you could have gone into more detail about going to her mom’s house and her making the soup. Other than that well written.