May
2014
The Tributes are Announced
Suddenly, the entire District want silent. The amount of fear in the air sucked the happiness out of everyone like a parasite sucks the life out of its victim. I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest. my arms and legs were covered in goose bumps and my teeth were chattering. All I could do was hope that it would not be my name called.
Then, in a capital accent I heard “Luan Smith” echo through the area. I felt like I was going to be sick. The people around me let out a quiet breath of relief. A single tear rolled down my face because I was in too much shock to start hysterically crying. I could feel that tears were streaming down my sisters face as she stood next to me. The sound of my mother crying when I stepped out of the crowd made me finally realizer that I could die.
4rebecca
May 15, 2014 at 5:45 pm (10 years ago)I liked the use of the similes, but there were a few grammatical mistakes with spelling and capitalization. For example, in the first paragraph, you did not capitalize the first letter and you put realizer instead of realize.
shelby4
May 15, 2014 at 5:52 pm (10 years ago)I enjoyed your post, but it may have helped if you double-checked over it, since there were a a few typos. I love the figurative language too! It really brought it to life. Overall, you did a pretty good job!
4mollie
May 15, 2014 at 11:47 pm (10 years ago)Overall, this was a very brief, but descriptive story. It had a few spelling and grammar mistakes that could be easily fixed if the essay was proofread. I felt like some things were repeated, such as the phrase, “tears streaming down my face”. Also, there was some announcing that could also be fixed. All in all, I did enjoy reading this piece!