May
2014
Ladies and Gentlemen, let the Eightieth Hunger Games
I felt like one of my nightmares was coming to life. The countdown began, and suddenly everything started to spin. I thought of my family and what they would do if I was killed. If anything, I knew that no matter what happened I had to win. It was that moment, the fifteen second mark, when I decided that I would only kill someone if they tried to kill me. At ten seconds left, I needed to make a plan. I could smell that fruits that filled the trees and I could hear the chirping of birds. I knew that the arena was tropical. My plan was to do the safest thing possible, and turn and run.
When the buzzer sounded, adrenaline rushed through my veins and I leaped into a full sprint. I ran toward the palm trees that were covered in coconuts. The place was beautiful; however it was a murder zone. I stopped running when I reached a stream. The moving water was heaven to my ears in that humid place. Once I had caught my breath, the arena dimmed and a huge light appeared in the sky. It announced who was killed so far with a canon to go with each name. I felt really bad for the poor families of the fallen and tears started streaming down my face. All I could do was pray that the next canon would not be me.
4megan
May 20, 2014 at 5:15 pm (10 years ago)The writing was great. I feel like you could have added a little more emotion though. This could be filled with emotions and that was not expressed as well as possible.
4kaitlyn
May 20, 2014 at 5:17 pm (10 years ago)I really enjoyed our description of how you were reminded of home as the reality of being in the Hunger Games hityou. I think that you could’ve included more figurative language to enhance the sensory detail in your piece. For example, your description of the arena was very vivid, and I think in particular you could’ve made a simile or metaphor describing the stream you found. Also, I think it would make your piece more easily understandable if you had a more identifiable ending, because I was wondering where your character was and when it was. Overall you had some great ideas and descriptions! Keep it up!
4yasmine
May 21, 2014 at 12:48 am (10 years ago)This was a good story, Gia. I really liked how you started the story immediately with “I felt like one of my nightmares was coming to life.” I just don’t think you spent a lot of time revising since there were a few typos like in this sentence;”My plan was to do the safest thing possible, and turn and run.” Its a bit of a fragment. Also, you could have described a bit more about the setting, and your emotions. Over all you could have used a bit more details. You could have explained what it was like when you began running, if you encountered any other tributes, the smell, feel, what it sounded like. There are plenty of things you could have described. But over all it was a good piece.